Back in the mid 90′s when I was recovering from my trauma and hospitalization, I was walking through the neighborhood deep in thought and connection with God. As I walked the words “What do you want?” came to me. These words have been a basic foundation of my healing process and clarity of direction.

Whenever I would start to feel lost and unclear about direction or decision, and I had been praying for His guidance, then at some point I would hear or feel the words, “What do you want?” It still comes into my awareness exactly when I need it.

Just like with anything goal in life, we need to know what our goal is to focus ourselves in that direction and make it happen. It is the same for anything, really. I need to ask myself, “What do I want” for clarity of purpose, direction, goals, personal desires, and personal growth. Since it worked for me, I’m sure that there are many others that it can also help.

And it’s not a selfish thing as long as there is no malicious intent. What I want may be a receiving desire and/or a giving desire. Neither is right or wrong, better or worse, because when I help myself I am also resourcing myself to help others. What matters is that we are honest with ourselves.

Many times we tend to get wrapped up in how we think we’re supposed to be, that we forget who we are or what our dreams were. I know that I have made many mistakes about listening to my preconceived notions and expectations instead of listening to my heart. Therein lies the key. The heart and heart of the soul are what tend to hold our passions, purpose, and dreams. It’s the Holy Spirit touching us. (The Holy Spirit communicates with us through our body sense. That will be in another post.) And when we act in alignment with those passions and purposes, then we become the Finger of God manifest. It begins with us asking ourselves, “What do I want?” and answering it honestly and in a positive framework.

For example, say there is someone at work that is making your life very difficult. As you ask yourself the question “What do I want?”, you might find yourself answering that you want them fired. What if you framed the answer as a positive solution such as, “I want him to learn what he needs so he’ll not need to be such a jerk, but instead more helpful.” This is something that you might be able to help with. Does the person need a compassionate shoulder or does the person need to be stood up to and told point blank what the deal is? Our choices create our reality. That’s why first knowing what we want and then deciding the best way (in alignment with God) to get it is the growing process.

Honesty is key. Getting trapped in how we think we’re supposed to be instead of being true to ourselves is like trying to grow a tree by planting a rock. The message does not get through and true beauty lies dormant. And so the guidance of the Holy Spirit is also blocked from getting through. There are people who may try or pretend to be positive and helpful because they think that’s how they’re supposed to be. But in reality, they are angry. God gave us our feelings for a reason. They are tools for us to learn from. If you are angry, be aware of it. Notice it like an observer. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be angry or do I want to have this issue resolved?” Trust the process of learning. If you are honest with yourself and you find that you want to be angry, then be aware of that. Let yourself experience your anger. That does not mean lash out and cause others to be angry or harmed. It means to sit back and observe your anger. Be with it. If need be, push ups, jumping jacks, or other vigorous exercise might help. The key is to be its observer. Don’t “be” the anger. Your spirit is of God. Let your spirit hold the awareness that this is an experience that will also pass.

And pass it will. When we let ourselves be with our experience, then it’s like when we listen to a friend tell us their troubles. We listen, they vent, and things move on to the next step.

In my experience, the next step will be the honest wanting of resolution. When we let ourselves be the observer of our experience, it moves through us like a train going by. We are aware of its power as we watch it go by, but since we are watching it and not on the tracks, it can’t hurt us. Once it passes by, we are free to cross or walk the track.

So by observing our anger we learn how to have the time and space to make choices that we want instead of reacting to our situation as though we have no control. This is key to self-growth because in order to grow we must know in what direction we want to grow in. We need to have awareness of our choices available to us so we can make the best decision for ourselves. But before our decision, our heart begs the question, “What do I want?”

As loving friends, we do not turn our backs on friends who ask for our help or a listening ear. Why then do so many of us turn our backs on our own hearts?

I hope this awareness of mine helps you in some way. Either way, I will keep asking myself what I want.

What do you want?

Blessings,

Irene