It’s a very gentle and subtle thing, yet profound.
Encouragement builds confidence. It’s an internal growth that develops when one feels encouraged. Confidence comes from within and is the result of proper and timely encouragement as the child grows. The more confident one is, the more self-sufficient and steadfast to who they are to become.
By contrast, praise requires external acknowledgement which creates a dependency on approval from others. The more needy one is for approval, the more they can succumb to the wishes of others due to fear of rejection or not knowing what they truly believe.
Examples of Encouragement vs. Praise:
Praise: “I like what you did.” Encouragement: “Wow, you were very creative with that.”
Praise: ” I’m proud of you.” Encouragement: “I’m happy for you that you had the initiative to work so hard at that. Great job.”
Praise: ” I love that.” Encouragement: ” Those seem like some great ideas. What other ideas do you have?”
The primary difference is the “I” and the “you”. The key is whether the message is geared toward making you happy, or helping the child realize that what they think and feel matters. And asking questions are a huge key to developing encouragement. The partner key is then to actually listen to what is being shared.
Other examples of encouragement might be: “You seem to have some real talent there.”, “Which one feels right to you?”, and “How do you think we should proceed?”
Of course, it all must be sincere or the recipient will see right through it. But it just takes the desire and some practice to retrain oneself to offer encouragement instead of praise.
The development of happy, strong, productive, and emotionally well-adjusted children is key to any prosperous and joyfilled society. Sounds like a Divine goal to me. Least of all, our children are worth it.
God bless our children.
Blessings
Irene
Tags: asking children questions, encouragement vs praise, subtle yet profound
